Nov 9 - Vivah

OPM*

Presents – Vivah (OR) Are Marriages made in Heaven dot com?


Circa 14-16 BC : Ancient Greek Times

Mankind has lived life in a paradise, without worry, thus far. Epimetheus meets Pandora and tells her never to open the jar she has received from Zeus after which they proceed to make uninhibited love in the gardens.

However, Pandora's curiosity gets the better of her and as Epimetheus sleeps on his comfortable bed (comfortable beds were the norm in Ancient Greece. There were no other kinds of bed, as they were living in Paradise, which now is only a biryani joint in Hyderabad) she opens it, releasing all the misfortunes of mankind (plague, sorrow, the Australian Cricket team, greed, Indian Television soaps, old age, Himesh and worst of all, Clothing)
When Epimetheus wakes, he finds his bed has bedbugs and Pandora now wants to be called his wife. Inhibited lovemaking and Headaches follow immediately. Marriage is invented.


Circa 4-6 BC : India

Mallanaga Vatsyayana is born to middle class parents in the Golden Age of the Gupta dynasty. After experimenting with drugs for a short while he decides that he needs something more potent(this was mostly because the only drugs available were Homeopathic drugs).

He goes on to write the Kama Sutra, which becomes a major hit but earns him no royalties. His book, though, influences people of the time to reconsider the institution of Marriage. For sometime, everyone has a lot of fun, but when the scions of the Gupta dynasty decide to give up marriage, their progeny end up with no surname. Thus other opportunistic armies invade to claim the throne and it is curtains for the Gupta dynasty and the Vatsyayana period.


Circa Modern Times: India

Rajshri Productions (est. 1947 AD) has a new leading light, Sooraj. Sooraj decides to make movies about the phenomenon of marriages in India, and goes on to tell tremendous stories about wealthy people, many brothers, dogs, black-bucks and love, set in the background of weddings.

In the 21st century, Sooraj brings us a brand new tale with the usual ingredients. This week we look at what his Vivah, promises.

In a superb break of tradition, Sooraj decides to look at the ‘golden period between engagement and marriage’. ‘Golden’, surely because of the large amounts of dowry discussed during the period, but I must restrict myself from making social-historian like observations.

Gentle, soft spoken Prem (meaning ‘Love’), the scion of one of Delhi's most prosperous business houses, has grown up living in the fast lane, surrounded by Bengali friends who call him Prem da.
Now the thing with Sooraj is that his heroes are always called Prem and the promos proclaim loudly that Prem is Back. Where is Prem back from, you ask?
Prem is back from Sweden where the girls are all beautiful, with terrific metabolism and their idea of a good workout is… er. I’m told this is a paper for the entire family, and though I did try telling them that the ‘entire family’ usually happens after a good workout…. oh well, what the hell! Families depend heavily on storks delivering babies at the doorstep, children.

Yes, so Prem is an eligible bachelor who is just back from Stockholm and when his dad (Anupam Kheer) sweet talks him into meeting Poonam, promising him a trip to Amsterdam in return, he gives in. Poonam is a homely girl (don’t ask me what that means!) who has lived her life in the quaint town of Madhupur (don’t ask me where that is!) raised by her uncle (or chacha), Mr.Chacha. She calls him Chacha Chacha and everybody spends a lot of time dancing badly everytime this happens.
The rest of Madhupur are all Poonam’s relatives and there are several Tai-jis(professional tie makers), Nunn-ads(evangelical advertisements), Par-dadis(grannies with wings) and Ji-jus(Yes men). Large portions of the movie are spent explaining the relative positions of each relative in the Grand Madhupur Opera, which preaches that Nuclear Families Bomb.

When Poonam and Prem meet they have an awkward, formal exchange of words which is mostly because Prem has an itch to run away and Poonam is talking from under the veil/dupatta that girls in Madhupur don at all times.
These problems are soon overcome though and they have a deep, meaningful conversation that goes thus:
Prem (talking like he did in Stockholm): So you’re ready to get it on, eh?
Poonam (talking about her veil): But I already have it on.
Prem: Way to go girl!

The couple soon discover that they are sole mates, since they wear the same brand of footwear and this opens Prem to the idea of modernity and tradition co-existing, resulting in their engagement.

Prem and Poonam now enter the most magical and romantic time of their lives. Six months fly by happily. Just when everything is set for the wedding Prem decides to party hop one last time. This creates problems, and it will take God’s grace to ensure that the couple overcomes their difficulties.

Will Prem get some action tonight? What is the historical context of Dupattas? Will the couple have to register on a marriage website? Where does Time fly and in which directions? Who is God?

To find out watch Vivah that releases tomorrow!



* Objects in the Preview Mirror may appear sillier than they are.

Disclaimer: Characters in the above story are not based on any characters in the film. Any resemblance or humour is pure luck.

**OPM appears in the Thursday edition of Bangalore BIAS and previews a Friday release