This is a sneak preview into the world of Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna that releases today.
KANK, for Director Karan Johar, is a major departure from his earlier films.
The film starts not with not One but Two marriages happening.
Shah Rukh plays Raj Malhotra, because he is Shah Rukh.
Rani plays Anjali, in the absence of Kajol.
Abhishek also plays Raj Malhotra, because, well, who doesn’t want to be Shah Rukh? [Except 743 nuns, 23 Buddhists and 3 elephants]
Priety Zinta plays Zuleika, because of her Persian lineage.
Priety playing Zuleika is Karan Johars' metaphysical twist, showing how much he has matured as a savings bond...er..as a director, incorporating characters with foreign lineage thus keeping pace with globalization.
So two marriages.
As all people involved are traditional people in abbreviated clothes, the women, as is custom, take their husband's name post marriage.
Due to this tradition, Shah Rukh becomes Anjali, Abhishek becomes Zuleika and Rani and Priety become Raj Malhotra.
As is expected, this causes a lot of confusion and when Shah Rukh wants to kiss Anjali, he is appalled that he has to kiss himself. Another brilliant scene is when, his wife, Raj Malhotra wants to watch Mani Ratnam’s Anjali and Shah Rukh (Anjali) walks out midway because he is traumatized.
These scenes are filmed beautifully and make it worth Shah Rukh's facial acrobatics.
Abhishek, who plays Zuleika, has his own moment, when he is expected to shave since he has a woman's name. He has trouble with his visiting cards and loses 23 clients because he passes them the wrong cards. Abhishek also has to fend of 12 Iraqis who fall in love with his name.
Rani and Preity do not face too many problems, as they are househusbands. Except on Karva Chauth, when they can’t decide whether they need to keep fast. They also spend a few thousand rupees at the hair stylists’ getting short crops befitting men (in spite of Mahendra Dhoni).
Both couples finally decide that the best way out of the confusion would be to relocate to a foreign country where they don’t understand Indian names.
They apply for Visas at the British consulate. Raj Malhotra, though, gets late for the visa appointment. Both Raj Malhotras. This is because they can’t resist going to the Annual Sweater Fair in Chennai. This causes Anjali and Zuleika to be very upset and marital discord sets in, mainly as they are upset that Raj Malhotra didn’t pick up sweaters for them.
Which is why the promos read, ‘A Fair that broke all relationships’. (What’s that? You are saying it reads ‘An Affair that broke all relationships”. No no.. You are mistaken. I suggest you watch the promos again)
This is when they meet Amitabh Bachchan, who plays Amitabh Bud-chan, a flamboyant half Chinese man who lives on Budweiser beer. He is the Head of Operations at the British consulate, who gets close to being fired for being flamboyant and making too many stiff British upper lips flinch, by sporting a ‘French’ beard. He is saved when he explains that there is no ‘British’ beard as such, else he would sport it. All in all he is a good sport and saves the two couples from watching ‘Tu Hoti toh kya Hota’, a mind numbing comedy based on the Mile High Club by Mr. Shah.
Post this good deed he quotes from Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2) to the couples in a God like voice -
‘What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet. ‘
This resolves all differences between the couples and they decide to go back home.
The Shakespeare quote inspires an Udipi hotel owner, who is standing nearby, to make a movie based on Othello. He calls it Om-Kara Bath.
Also the quote creates a flutter in flower markets around the world and at the Amsterdam Flower market, Roses are sold as Sunflowers, Mrs. Barney, Ronaldinho and McDowell’s Number One.
The movie ends with a solemn hurrah to Shakespeare in the form of Britney Spears performing a dance number…hence Shake Spears.
* Objects in the Preview Mirror may appear sillier than they are. Send in your objections to OPM.bias@gmail.com
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Pay this Forward please
On World Tibet Day, say this with me - on your blogs, on sms, on email:
FREE TIBET
Read this on Dilip's blog : http://dcubed.blogspot.com/2006/07/tibet-from-14th-floor.html#comments
FREE TIBET
Read this on Dilip's blog : http://dcubed.blogspot.com/2006/07/tibet-from-14th-floor.html#comments
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Superman Returns - Preview
This is a preview to Superman Returns that I wrote a week before it released in India. It was sent to the publisher of a small Bangalore based paper that I will be doing Previews for. Previews in this vein.
The paper turns Daily next month from its present weekly format. My article will appear every Friday. Yes, theyve made a big mistake.
Objects in the Preview Mirror
Superman Returns - But from Where??
Lex Luthor is a happy man. Insanely happy. He considers changing his name to Lux Lather as a tribute to his diabolical world domination plan, but fails to get the Gazette Office on phone.The plan involves stolen crystals from the Fortress of Solitude - Detergent used on Planet Krypton which Kal-el's mother packed for him surreptitiously in case Kal-el needed a clean white shirt. The gravity on Earth combined with the ultraviolet rays from our yellow Sun have the same effect on the detergent as on Superman. One crystal can make an entire lake foam. Lex Luthor plans to hold the water resources of the world to ransom as he,with the 17 super value packs of super-detergent he has, can make the oceans of the Earth foam. The thought leaves Lex foaming at the mouth and his ugly henchwoman gives him mouth to mouth resuscitation which makes him further ill. He recovers though when his henchmen recount glowing tales of how he sent Superman away in the first place.
Previewers note: Superman on his home planet Krypton was called Kal-el. The super detergent was called detergent and his mother was called Mother.
Lois Lane is a happy woman. Happy Homestead Happy.Her husband considers changing her name to Lois Six Lane Highway as a telling comment on her weight gain in the last five years but Lois gets through to the Liposuction clinic before he can reach the Gazette office on phone.She loses a 100 pounds and then hits the gym with a vengeance. Unfortunately she hits the gym instructor with a 100 pound weight and has to leave the gym. As she is leaving she runs into the man who runs a Botox clinic next door who tells her that Botox is better than the gym for her wrinkles just like Liposuction was better than the Slim Sauna Belt. She gets back home to find her husband still trying the Gazette office. She reminds him that it is a Sunday and one can hardly expect the Government to work on a weekend when they are tired from not working all week, especially with the government exchange program they have with the Govt of Karnataka. He agrees and they head out to catch the latest Batman movie 'Batman Begins to Get Lucky'.
Perry White and Jimmy Olsen are two really happy dudes. Perry White considers changing the name of his newspaper, The Daily Planet, to ‘Very White’ as a tribute to his very successful detergent brand ‘Very White’, but cant get through to the Gazette Office.Jimmy Olsen considers picking up the phone at the Gazette Office ,where he has been employed for five years now, but decides not to.
Previewers note: The Perry White and Jimmy Olsen subplots are underdeveloped.
Where has Supe been all this while.? Cut to the backstory of how Lex Luthor sent him away:
Lex Luthor floats a rumour while on vacation on his yacht in the Caribbean that Superman or Kal-el was not born on Krytpon but in Cal-cutta and hence the name Kal-el. Also that The Fortress of Solitude was actually The Fortress of Solitude for the World from Superman and all its multimedia was built by the CIA including the Jor-el images that were actually of a major Hollywood actor called Marlon Brando. He also feeds this rumour by
releasing on the black-market an Indian Documentary called 'Hum kisi se Kam nahi' starring then unknown actors Akshay and Suneil, involving the story of how Colonel Chikara looked for a rare Indian green cheese called 'Krypton'. After viewing this documentary Supe is convinced of his Calcutta origins and flies of in search of his roots. He spends ages looking for his roots, which are difficult to find, owing to the fact that he isn't a plant.
Previewers note: This backstory is played at superspeed and it is likely that you will miss the details
Cut to Present day:
Superman is a struggling actor in Kollywood called Kalel Bose. He has grown a stubble and wears his cape as a chadar a la Guru Dutt in Pyaasa. He has no work as regular heroes in regional films jump over tall buildings and fight 74 villains at once with ease. He has also been rejected as a journalist in Calcutta as he does not read bengali and, more importantly, doesn't own a jhola. He spends his time eyeing all the doe eyed bengali women aided by Supervision.
Cut to Metropolis, which is a hot bed of crime especially on the Metrorail where they need a lot of polis..er police.On the Metro a Scandinavian homosexual sells soup to meet men socially, or well, economically. His soup is always bad and his sales cry of 'Soups up' is usually met with exclamations of 'No good at all!!' from customers who taste his abominations.
In Calcutta there is a football match, a strike and an agitation to bring back Ganguly on. Superman, to pass time, decides to use superhearing to scan the airwaves. The first thing he picks up is 'Supes up to no good at all', several times over as the soup seller is having a field day on the Metro.
This worries Supe no end and he begins to think that Superman impostors are wrecking good old Metropolis. He decides to Return.
Hence Superman Returns from Calcutta.
The rest of the story revolves around how Supe foils Lex Luthor by flinging all the super detergent into space, thereby creating 17 new galaxies where living things are foam-based instead of the standard issue carbon based lifeforms we are familiar with. This means they live really slippery lives and several beings make their millions selling grip products like Velcro.
There is also a subplot as to how Supe is no longer attracted to slim and pretty Lois Lane as he now yearns for buxom Bengali girls with lovely doe eyes.
Things slowly fall back in place for our intrepid superhero though and he does his routine of saving the world from certain destruction several times over.
Now if only Jimmy Olsen picked up his calls !!
ps: Calcutta was renamed Kol-katta to pay homage to the years Supe spent there.
Disclaimer: Objects in the Preview Mirror may appear sillier than they are.
The paper turns Daily next month from its present weekly format. My article will appear every Friday. Yes, theyve made a big mistake.
Objects in the Preview Mirror
Superman Returns - But from Where??
Lex Luthor is a happy man. Insanely happy. He considers changing his name to Lux Lather as a tribute to his diabolical world domination plan, but fails to get the Gazette Office on phone.The plan involves stolen crystals from the Fortress of Solitude - Detergent used on Planet Krypton which Kal-el's mother packed for him surreptitiously in case Kal-el needed a clean white shirt. The gravity on Earth combined with the ultraviolet rays from our yellow Sun have the same effect on the detergent as on Superman. One crystal can make an entire lake foam. Lex Luthor plans to hold the water resources of the world to ransom as he,with the 17 super value packs of super-detergent he has, can make the oceans of the Earth foam. The thought leaves Lex foaming at the mouth and his ugly henchwoman gives him mouth to mouth resuscitation which makes him further ill. He recovers though when his henchmen recount glowing tales of how he sent Superman away in the first place.
Previewers note: Superman on his home planet Krypton was called Kal-el. The super detergent was called detergent and his mother was called Mother.
Lois Lane is a happy woman. Happy Homestead Happy.Her husband considers changing her name to Lois Six Lane Highway as a telling comment on her weight gain in the last five years but Lois gets through to the Liposuction clinic before he can reach the Gazette office on phone.She loses a 100 pounds and then hits the gym with a vengeance. Unfortunately she hits the gym instructor with a 100 pound weight and has to leave the gym. As she is leaving she runs into the man who runs a Botox clinic next door who tells her that Botox is better than the gym for her wrinkles just like Liposuction was better than the Slim Sauna Belt. She gets back home to find her husband still trying the Gazette office. She reminds him that it is a Sunday and one can hardly expect the Government to work on a weekend when they are tired from not working all week, especially with the government exchange program they have with the Govt of Karnataka. He agrees and they head out to catch the latest Batman movie 'Batman Begins to Get Lucky'.
Perry White and Jimmy Olsen are two really happy dudes. Perry White considers changing the name of his newspaper, The Daily Planet, to ‘Very White’ as a tribute to his very successful detergent brand ‘Very White’, but cant get through to the Gazette Office.Jimmy Olsen considers picking up the phone at the Gazette Office ,where he has been employed for five years now, but decides not to.
Previewers note: The Perry White and Jimmy Olsen subplots are underdeveloped.
Where has Supe been all this while.? Cut to the backstory of how Lex Luthor sent him away:
Lex Luthor floats a rumour while on vacation on his yacht in the Caribbean that Superman or Kal-el was not born on Krytpon but in Cal-cutta and hence the name Kal-el. Also that The Fortress of Solitude was actually The Fortress of Solitude for the World from Superman and all its multimedia was built by the CIA including the Jor-el images that were actually of a major Hollywood actor called Marlon Brando. He also feeds this rumour by
releasing on the black-market an Indian Documentary called 'Hum kisi se Kam nahi' starring then unknown actors Akshay and Suneil, involving the story of how Colonel Chikara looked for a rare Indian green cheese called 'Krypton'. After viewing this documentary Supe is convinced of his Calcutta origins and flies of in search of his roots. He spends ages looking for his roots, which are difficult to find, owing to the fact that he isn't a plant.
Previewers note: This backstory is played at superspeed and it is likely that you will miss the details
Cut to Present day:
Superman is a struggling actor in Kollywood called Kalel Bose. He has grown a stubble and wears his cape as a chadar a la Guru Dutt in Pyaasa. He has no work as regular heroes in regional films jump over tall buildings and fight 74 villains at once with ease. He has also been rejected as a journalist in Calcutta as he does not read bengali and, more importantly, doesn't own a jhola. He spends his time eyeing all the doe eyed bengali women aided by Supervision.
Cut to Metropolis, which is a hot bed of crime especially on the Metrorail where they need a lot of polis..er police.On the Metro a Scandinavian homosexual sells soup to meet men socially, or well, economically. His soup is always bad and his sales cry of 'Soups up' is usually met with exclamations of 'No good at all!!' from customers who taste his abominations.
In Calcutta there is a football match, a strike and an agitation to bring back Ganguly on. Superman, to pass time, decides to use superhearing to scan the airwaves. The first thing he picks up is 'Supes up to no good at all', several times over as the soup seller is having a field day on the Metro.
This worries Supe no end and he begins to think that Superman impostors are wrecking good old Metropolis. He decides to Return.
Hence Superman Returns from Calcutta.
The rest of the story revolves around how Supe foils Lex Luthor by flinging all the super detergent into space, thereby creating 17 new galaxies where living things are foam-based instead of the standard issue carbon based lifeforms we are familiar with. This means they live really slippery lives and several beings make their millions selling grip products like Velcro.
There is also a subplot as to how Supe is no longer attracted to slim and pretty Lois Lane as he now yearns for buxom Bengali girls with lovely doe eyes.
Things slowly fall back in place for our intrepid superhero though and he does his routine of saving the world from certain destruction several times over.
Now if only Jimmy Olsen picked up his calls !!
ps: Calcutta was renamed Kol-katta to pay homage to the years Supe spent there.
Disclaimer: Objects in the Preview Mirror may appear sillier than they are.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
I took a test at www.politicalcompass.org and this is where I stand.
Not one worldleader for company anywhere close to where I am plotted on the graph:) I knew it... with no power comes no responsibility.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
I am Pro Reservations
I am pro-reservation in a few areas:
Train and Air tickets
Movie tickets
I believe in having reservations about making friends with murderers and rapists
Restaurant reservations are a big help
Also, I am generally a reserved person
In spite of being pro-reservation I have close friends, (especially a certain Icecandyman) who are Aunty-....er Anti-Reservations. Needless to say, these guys haven't watched Da Vinci code and Fanaa yet. Lucky bast****!
Train and Air tickets
Movie tickets
I believe in having reservations about making friends with murderers and rapists
Restaurant reservations are a big help
Also, I am generally a reserved person
In spite of being pro-reservation I have close friends, (especially a certain Icecandyman) who are Aunty-....er Anti-Reservations. Needless to say, these guys haven't watched Da Vinci code and Fanaa yet. Lucky bast****!
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