Dec 8 2006 - Baabul

Last weeks' OPM is coloured terribly by a few conversations I had with journo friends about the Khairlanji incident. I wrote it halfway before i had those conversations, as you can, undoubtedly, make out.

OPM*
Presents – BA-Bull Inc.


Truth, like Love, is a many splendoured thing. My version of truth can be very different from your version of it, which essentially means that truth varies with the position of the observer. In some ways Truth is much like Time, a magazine, which Einstein read from various vantage points like on an airplane, in a bus, from a WC etc. He concluded that Time varies from the point of view of the observer and after watching movies like ‘Bags Ban(ned)’ he realized that Time could, indeed, move really slowly.
It is the same with Truth.
For example, while Munnabhai bought the AK-56 for ‘self-defence’, The Govt. of India thought society needed self-defence from AK-56 owners and sued the bollocks out of him.
Similarly, SSoren thought of the removal of his erstwhile secretary as an essential move that brought down his tax liabilities. The secretary’s family, however, thought otherwise and has had him jailed.

Fact, on the other hand, is undeniably based on hard evidence, which does not alter with the position of the observer. Consider, for example, the statement “Coffee is not spelt Kauphi”. There is a certain solidity to this statement, except if you speak in an obscure Malayalam dialect that is spoken in the Gulf. This exception is not really one, as no Malayalee can be accused of being an observer. A linguist, a lecher or a union worker perhaps, but never an observer* (*- This data and extrapolation is based on a survey performed on one Malayalee, the author, who in addition to not being an observer, was also found to be an idiot, with an intellect close to that possessed by the endangered species of suicidal Sri-Lankan worm Serendipitous Cannabis)
Yes, so Fact is separated from Truth because it is usually based on solid evidence. (This led several juice makers around 600 BC to write out a set of commandments on stone to give it a feel of rock hard evidence. It later transpired that a tall handsome gentleman, played by Charlton Heston, eventually broke the stone and ended up stone broke for a while, roaming around various deserts. Paper-thin evidence of this can be found in the terribly undersold publication ‘The Many Poses of Moses’)

It is in the interest of people who want their version of truth to prevail to establish their concocted cock and bull stories as fact. This process can be observed in several areas of Life including and especially in theology, Marxism, other ‘-isms’, George Bush, marriage, politics, Ayn Rand etc.
This week we anticipate the release of Babull, which traces the story of a man who, stuck in the mire of cock and bull, experiences a change of heart in the autumn years of life.

BA – bull Inc. is a PR agency headed by a brilliant spin-doctor Bigbee who churns out Brilliantly Analysed Bull (shi*) to help his political clients further their brand of politics. His biggest achievement is his pro-Victorian systematic multi-pronged strategy against sexuality that has ensured that a nation that does a lot of it (going from a population 40 crores to roughly three times that in a span of 60 years) only discusses or displays sexuality in private. He does this for fundamentalist organizations whose unattractive leaders like to visit Rio de Janerio during the Spring Fest while protesting a film being shot at Varanasi because women with bald-heads are an affront to politicians with bald-pates (all of them, except four women politicians).

He also provides sound bites that assist various cricket personalities field barbs about match-fixing (I can’t even fix a leaking faucet! How can I fix international matches? ), pummelling old men to death (But I thought he was Dara Singh! Chak de phatte!), English commentary (abbsolootely I say!), former captains (Ooh Aah India advertisements) and Indian cricket sponsorship deals (talks are on with Pain Balm manufacturers to support the Ooh Aah India campaign).

At home, he has to eat badly made puris every single day. This is because his brother and partner (business partner! Zyada samajh mein aa raha hai kya!!?), Home Puri, is a man who loves eating puri-saag at home. He especially loves the puris Bigbee’s daughter-in-law makes and when she becomes a widow due to the unexpected death of her husband in a hair transplant operation Home Puri insists that she not remarry.
Bigbee is torn between a keeping this tradition going and escaping eating bad puris all his life.
The torment filled transition from a status-quo keeper to one who reacts to situations with humanity and gut feel is the story that Babull tracks.
When Bigbee breaks the rules and preaches widow remarriage to arrive at a win-win situation we realize that there is more than one important social message that this wonderful movie preaches. One is that breakfast is a very important meal and we shouldn’t miss it.

The other message on widow remarriage, takes the characters 3 hours, 7 songs and a lot of melodramatic situations to arrive at. Isn’t it astonishingly pitiable that in this day and age, as in any other, we need social messages to accept things like widow remarriage, universal human rights, ending child labour, defeating gender discrimination, junking caste and abolishing the Aussie and South African cricket teams??

* Objects in the Preview Mirror may appear sillier than they are.

Disclaimer: Characters in the above story are not based on any characters in the film. Any resemblance or humour is pure luck.

**OPM appears in the Thursday edition of Bangalore BIAS and previews a Friday release