Flash Back/Forward - Time Travel

This is a time travel tale and thus it is hard to relate and even harder to read.
For example, I am using present tense in the year 2023 AD, right now. It is difficult to believe, but like flying returns, in the future, Grammar will become a terrible thing. And the families of Mr.Wren and Mr.Martin will become Rockerfellers of their day. Tenses like -present past future perfect- and -fully elongated past participle- will make grammar, nay, Grammar, so complicated that the Wrens and Martins will patch up their differences and do a square rattle jig naked. [ In the future, grammar will always be referred to as Grammar, because of cash. For example: Bill Gates, Microsoft, Porn, Eminem etc etc]
Once, in the near future, there was[will be] born, C.W.Briggs. C.W.Briggs was[will be] an uncanny little child. 14 years from when he was born[will be born], he turned out[will turn out] to be an adolescent jew with neo nazi leanings.In the same year, there was [will be] invented in his near neighborhood, a Time Machine. The inventor was[will have been] waiting for the right time to show the world his invention. The inventors name , ofcourse, was[will be] covered up by the machinations of RAW and Mossad.
C.W.Briggs was[will be] a wimpy child who was[will be] forced by the bullies in the locality where he lived[he will live] to be a permanent water boy, irrespective of what game they were[will be] playing. On one such occasion the ball was hit[will be], right into the warehouse that housed the secret Time Machine. C.W.Briggs, who had been sent[will be sent] to retrieve the ball, walked[will walk] right in and banged[will bang] the buttons which operated[will operate] the thing, thinking that it was[is] an Otis elevator.Floosh![Fliwssh!$!] To the past he sped[will speed]....
Due to a time warp within the Time Machine caused[will had caused] by the polywool sweater C.W usually wore[will have had been usually wearing] and the Big Mac burger in his stomach, there developed[will had developing] a complication. C.W.Briggs didn't know[will not have knowed it ever] it but for a period of 13 minutes he would[wrxygx'nt would woody] possess[posse of black men] the ability to say anything and make it happen.
The Time Machine stopped[will had sashayed] and ushered[will had usher's union] him out with a belevolent and good natured blab. It was[will had been] the year 1933 and in the Anteroom of the the Munich's People's Court emerged[will have had emergency] our reticent water boy. He turned[will had turncoat] and saw[seed] a large balcony,[commae] below which a crowd of 7,000 Germans wearing unfashionable clothes waved[will had waffled] Swastika symbols. Blocking[blackenning] the way, but not too much, was a short man,[commie] facing the crowd. The man turned[will hadn't worn his (turn) coat] abruptly and the toothbrush moustache bristled[colgate pamolive], as he faced[fascination, gay style] C.W.Briggs.
C.W.Briggs stared[will had stared]. C.W.Briggs stammered[will had stammerie]. And then C.W.Briggs said [will had sayed qureshi] "Hail Hitler".And Hitler rained [will had rained] from the sky in small itsy bitsy pieces, thus destroying[will had been destroyed] any traces of the Nazi Reich or the Holocaust.
We salute C.W.Briggs, the unlikely hero.