Fish have memory. Some species of fish have memory which lasts for about 8 seconds, but that is the maximum observed in the fish world.
8 seconds of memory. Which explains why fish keep making jerking movements every few moments. The poor guys have no clue where they were setting out to 8 seconds back. So the fishy looking jerkiness. 8 seconds of memory. After each 8 second gap they would remember nothing. Like a ram chip recording for 8 seconds and then erasing itself. Record, erase, rewind every 8 seconds.
As a result of the 8 second memory cap, many events in the fish world are governed completely by when exactly one was born.
To illustrate:
Small fish Guppy was born at 8.21.30 sec and Small fish Guppy the second, his younger sibling was born at 8.21.31 sec on September the 3rd 2003 in the east western swirls of the Indian Ocean. Now S.F.Guppy and S.F.Guppy the second, were blissfully unaware of the dangers of the waterworld [inspite of kevin costner] and were busy snacking on plankton [ plankton ofcourse, have no memory at all ] that surrounded their little water eddy.
A few miles northwest The Atka Mackerel clan celebrated the birth of Little Sharpy Jr. Since the atka mackarels were not sticklers for time they did not record the exact time of birth for Lil Sharpy Jr. The Atka mackarels were a violent tribe and they were tickled by the mere thought of crime, blood and all that fish, a la sea-slime.
It was a big day[sept 10 2003] at the Atka Mackarels, as Lil Sharpy Jr. set out South east to catch his first guppy dinner, all by himself. At exactly 2.20.06 secs Jr. settled down behind a large sea anemone to wait for some guppy to come by.
September 10th was a fateful day in the lives of the S.F.Guppy brothers. They had sworn to visit their old aunt who lived beyond the anemone fields. So they set out, one following the other, more or less efficiently as there was only a one second lag between their memories. [ Explanatory Notes: :)) Fish naturally know their blood relations and enemies by sight without assistance from their memories. A trait they no doubt picked up from the Italian mafiosi. Fish also have an innate ability to remember appointments with old aunts without assistance in the form of memory. This is a trait they picked up from the obscure fish movie 'Captain Correli's Mandolin' ( if you ask me why... er.... my 8 seconds are up, so i don't remember ) ]
The Guppy brothers, they were to deviate from their keep right route and turn left at the 3rd anemone junction to get to old auntie guppy's seaweed soup restaurant.
[Action:]
S.F.Guppy negotiates the left turn at exactly 2.22.38 secs.
S.F.Guppy the Second, fails to negotiate this turn at that exact moment because of the one second memory synchroniztion gap between him and his elder brother.
Little Sharpy Jr. grabs the moment and his dinner which kept coming right for too long.
One second too long. S.F.Guppy the Second was a second too late.
Little Sharpy Jr. had successfully quelled his own hunger.
8 seconds later:
-S.F.Guppy was saddened but forgot everything 8 seconds later. He then went on to his aunts -Seaweed soup restaurant and took up a career as a restaurant critic.
-Little Sharpy Jr. was hungry again.
Boredom and fishy methods to counter it:
Think of this one. You put a goldfish in a little fishbowl. This is what he goes through.
Start:
Oh! I'm a goldfish. In a small fish bowl. Thats nice.
In a very small fish bowl! Oh hell this place will run out of oxygen soon.
Oh No. HELP HELP Help Help i'm dyiiiii....8 seconds up.
And then again:
Oh! I'm a goldfish. In a small fish bowl. Thats nice.
In a very small fish bowl! Oh hell this place will run out of oxygen soon.
Oh No. HELP HELP Help Help i'm dyiiiii....
8 seconds up.
etc etc etc
So all you need to do is to aim to thnk like a fish and you will never be bored long enough for it to bother you.
Ok. Very bad. But I'm a fish.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Flashback : Quality concepts demystified
There was once a Zen master called Chow Yun Mein . He was not a Zen master for some old reason like wanting to learn the eternal answer to the puzzle of life. He wanted instead, to pass his time pleasantly without doing much.
So he developed one of those ever popular Zen master beards and wove around an old Chinese folktale replete with love, sex and violence, a hundred and fifty five pithy Confucian lines of wisdom.
He soon came to be known far and wide as Thriiponfoerrapa [ an old Chinese action word which meant 'one who is getting there' ] of the house of Opphyunihie[which was his native fishing village] ...All this fame meant that he was able to spend more and more time doing less and lesser. This he warmed up to as if it were his pet loin...er lion. [ the story of Thriiponfoerrapa and his pet lion is soon to be released in the form of a hentai action clip called Animalaterusk ].
So as he warmed up to his life and his lion in the vermilion shades of his borrowed pagoda, he grew.
He grew and grew and he grew some more. But as time passed he grew aware that his disciples and his beneficiaries were beginning to notice his loathing for his own principles of love and efficiency. He had to do something fast. He had to think of something brilliant to draw them away form their suspicions.
Yes! He had it! He would have to pretend that he was on his way to an even greater understanding of Life, The Universe and Obesity. So he very conveniently had a couple of visions in the presence of a few disciples and more importantly learnt to twitch his beard from right to left when he had these visions.
The disciple beneficiaries were very suitably impressed and pressed him to reveal the secrets he now possesed. They feted him with the best food and wine and even bestowed on him a more learned and formidable name ..Thriiponfoerrapamilla [ an old Chinese action word which meant 'one who is getting there much much faster, we even think he might be there already' ] On another note old chinese died out precisely due to the fact that it was absolutely illogical, unlike this lovely analysis.
So the new improved Thriiponfoerrapamilla of Opphyunihie spent time postponing the announcement of his new found savoir faire. As a desperate attempt he told his disciples that he would reveal the secrets on his death bed.So he ate and he ate and his old mother came to visit him. One day his old mother decided that her little Chow Chow needed some frugal and healthy home cooked food. So she made him rice gruel and seaweed soup.But Thriiponfoerrapamilla's constitution was not what it used to be. The hardy stomach lining which could breakdown the complexities of his mothers' cooking had long since disappeared.
And thus was he finally smote down. The rice gruel and seaweed soup got him and as he lay on his deathbed surrounded by his disciples he cried out aloud to his mother..' am...sick sick,Ma , sick sick,Ma '
His disciples researched his life and his dying words : Six SigMa i.e. Thriiponfoerrapamilla Opphyunihie.
For the Happily ignorant: Six Sigma Quality = 3.4 errors per million opprtunities
So he developed one of those ever popular Zen master beards and wove around an old Chinese folktale replete with love, sex and violence, a hundred and fifty five pithy Confucian lines of wisdom.
He soon came to be known far and wide as Thriiponfoerrapa [ an old Chinese action word which meant 'one who is getting there' ] of the house of Opphyunihie[which was his native fishing village] ...All this fame meant that he was able to spend more and more time doing less and lesser. This he warmed up to as if it were his pet loin...er lion. [ the story of Thriiponfoerrapa and his pet lion is soon to be released in the form of a hentai action clip called Animalaterusk ].
So as he warmed up to his life and his lion in the vermilion shades of his borrowed pagoda, he grew.
He grew and grew and he grew some more. But as time passed he grew aware that his disciples and his beneficiaries were beginning to notice his loathing for his own principles of love and efficiency. He had to do something fast. He had to think of something brilliant to draw them away form their suspicions.
Yes! He had it! He would have to pretend that he was on his way to an even greater understanding of Life, The Universe and Obesity. So he very conveniently had a couple of visions in the presence of a few disciples and more importantly learnt to twitch his beard from right to left when he had these visions.
The disciple beneficiaries were very suitably impressed and pressed him to reveal the secrets he now possesed. They feted him with the best food and wine and even bestowed on him a more learned and formidable name ..Thriiponfoerrapamilla [ an old Chinese action word which meant 'one who is getting there much much faster, we even think he might be there already' ] On another note old chinese died out precisely due to the fact that it was absolutely illogical, unlike this lovely analysis.
So the new improved Thriiponfoerrapamilla of Opphyunihie spent time postponing the announcement of his new found savoir faire. As a desperate attempt he told his disciples that he would reveal the secrets on his death bed.So he ate and he ate and his old mother came to visit him. One day his old mother decided that her little Chow Chow needed some frugal and healthy home cooked food. So she made him rice gruel and seaweed soup.But Thriiponfoerrapamilla's constitution was not what it used to be. The hardy stomach lining which could breakdown the complexities of his mothers' cooking had long since disappeared.
And thus was he finally smote down. The rice gruel and seaweed soup got him and as he lay on his deathbed surrounded by his disciples he cried out aloud to his mother..' am...sick sick,Ma , sick sick,Ma '
His disciples researched his life and his dying words : Six SigMa i.e. Thriiponfoerrapamilla Opphyunihie.
For the Happily ignorant: Six Sigma Quality = 3.4 errors per million opprtunities
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Flash Back/Forward - Time Travel
This is a time travel tale and thus it is hard to relate and even harder to read.
For example, I am using present tense in the year 2023 AD, right now. It is difficult to believe, but like flying returns, in the future, Grammar will become a terrible thing. And the families of Mr.Wren and Mr.Martin will become Rockerfellers of their day. Tenses like -present past future perfect- and -fully elongated past participle- will make grammar, nay, Grammar, so complicated that the Wrens and Martins will patch up their differences and do a square rattle jig naked. [ In the future, grammar will always be referred to as Grammar, because of cash. For example: Bill Gates, Microsoft, Porn, Eminem etc etc]
Once, in the near future, there was[will be] born, C.W.Briggs. C.W.Briggs was[will be] an uncanny little child. 14 years from when he was born[will be born], he turned out[will turn out] to be an adolescent jew with neo nazi leanings.In the same year, there was [will be] invented in his near neighborhood, a Time Machine. The inventor was[will have been] waiting for the right time to show the world his invention. The inventors name , ofcourse, was[will be] covered up by the machinations of RAW and Mossad.
C.W.Briggs was[will be] a wimpy child who was[will be] forced by the bullies in the locality where he lived[he will live] to be a permanent water boy, irrespective of what game they were[will be] playing. On one such occasion the ball was hit[will be], right into the warehouse that housed the secret Time Machine. C.W.Briggs, who had been sent[will be sent] to retrieve the ball, walked[will walk] right in and banged[will bang] the buttons which operated[will operate] the thing, thinking that it was[is] an Otis elevator.Floosh![Fliwssh!$!] To the past he sped[will speed]....
Due to a time warp within the Time Machine caused[will had caused] by the polywool sweater C.W usually wore[will have had been usually wearing] and the Big Mac burger in his stomach, there developed[will had developing] a complication. C.W.Briggs didn't know[will not have knowed it ever] it but for a period of 13 minutes he would[wrxygx'nt would woody] possess[posse of black men] the ability to say anything and make it happen.
The Time Machine stopped[will had sashayed] and ushered[will had usher's union] him out with a belevolent and good natured blab. It was[will had been] the year 1933 and in the Anteroom of the the Munich's People's Court emerged[will have had emergency] our reticent water boy. He turned[will had turncoat] and saw[seed] a large balcony,[commae] below which a crowd of 7,000 Germans wearing unfashionable clothes waved[will had waffled] Swastika symbols. Blocking[blackenning] the way, but not too much, was a short man,[commie] facing the crowd. The man turned[will hadn't worn his (turn) coat] abruptly and the toothbrush moustache bristled[colgate pamolive], as he faced[fascination, gay style] C.W.Briggs.
C.W.Briggs stared[will had stared]. C.W.Briggs stammered[will had stammerie]. And then C.W.Briggs said [will had sayed qureshi] "Hail Hitler".And Hitler rained [will had rained] from the sky in small itsy bitsy pieces, thus destroying[will had been destroyed] any traces of the Nazi Reich or the Holocaust.
We salute C.W.Briggs, the unlikely hero.
For example, I am using present tense in the year 2023 AD, right now. It is difficult to believe, but like flying returns, in the future, Grammar will become a terrible thing. And the families of Mr.Wren and Mr.Martin will become Rockerfellers of their day. Tenses like -present past future perfect- and -fully elongated past participle- will make grammar, nay, Grammar, so complicated that the Wrens and Martins will patch up their differences and do a square rattle jig naked. [ In the future, grammar will always be referred to as Grammar, because of cash. For example: Bill Gates, Microsoft, Porn, Eminem etc etc]
Once, in the near future, there was[will be] born, C.W.Briggs. C.W.Briggs was[will be] an uncanny little child. 14 years from when he was born[will be born], he turned out[will turn out] to be an adolescent jew with neo nazi leanings.In the same year, there was [will be] invented in his near neighborhood, a Time Machine. The inventor was[will have been] waiting for the right time to show the world his invention. The inventors name , ofcourse, was[will be] covered up by the machinations of RAW and Mossad.
C.W.Briggs was[will be] a wimpy child who was[will be] forced by the bullies in the locality where he lived[he will live] to be a permanent water boy, irrespective of what game they were[will be] playing. On one such occasion the ball was hit[will be], right into the warehouse that housed the secret Time Machine. C.W.Briggs, who had been sent[will be sent] to retrieve the ball, walked[will walk] right in and banged[will bang] the buttons which operated[will operate] the thing, thinking that it was[is] an Otis elevator.Floosh![Fliwssh!$!] To the past he sped[will speed]....
Due to a time warp within the Time Machine caused[will had caused] by the polywool sweater C.W usually wore[will have had been usually wearing] and the Big Mac burger in his stomach, there developed[will had developing] a complication. C.W.Briggs didn't know[will not have knowed it ever] it but for a period of 13 minutes he would[wrxygx'nt would woody] possess[posse of black men] the ability to say anything and make it happen.
The Time Machine stopped[will had sashayed] and ushered[will had usher's union] him out with a belevolent and good natured blab. It was[will had been] the year 1933 and in the Anteroom of the the Munich's People's Court emerged[will have had emergency] our reticent water boy. He turned[will had turncoat] and saw[seed] a large balcony,[commae] below which a crowd of 7,000 Germans wearing unfashionable clothes waved[will had waffled] Swastika symbols. Blocking[blackenning] the way, but not too much, was a short man,[commie] facing the crowd. The man turned[will hadn't worn his (turn) coat] abruptly and the toothbrush moustache bristled[colgate pamolive], as he faced[fascination, gay style] C.W.Briggs.
C.W.Briggs stared[will had stared]. C.W.Briggs stammered[will had stammerie]. And then C.W.Briggs said [will had sayed qureshi] "Hail Hitler".And Hitler rained [will had rained] from the sky in small itsy bitsy pieces, thus destroying[will had been destroyed] any traces of the Nazi Reich or the Holocaust.
We salute C.W.Briggs, the unlikely hero.
More Flashback: World History Page 3489.
The Universe is a strange place. If we were to believe what scientists told us, we would er..well... be science enthusiasts.
But let me not derail the train of my thoughts at such a downmarket station.
Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric [ which i think is dark stonewashed terrywool. Many things are explained if the fabric of the universe is assumed to be dark stonewashed terrywool. For example : Space, Shrinkage, Obesity and Freckles. Even Blackheads. ]..
Again. Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric inane phenomena such as: Repetition. [ which in turn, with large enough gaps and opportunity to forget, doubles up as Deja vu]But I have heard from not very reliable sources that the Universe is expanding continuously like the elastic on old underwear and that like all such elastic it will, one day, snap.
This has often led our brightest scientists to ask: Can we, in the heart of Tokyo, bring sound output which matches the last snap of the universe, to fit into 3 nanometer sony speakers? This question only makes our Universe stranger. If you think about it, all over the world, at this very minute, people are asking questions like this.
The Little Monster Sony speakers are good news for the Replacable Ear Manufacturers in Tanzania, though. Tanzania, i'll have you know, runs its entire economy on profits from Replacable Ear Manufacturers. The industry, ofcourse traces its beginning to the screening of the Clint Eastwood movie, 'Django' in Central Dodoma in the year 1968. After watching the famous ear ripping scene in the movie, a whole bunch of National Socialists decided to wear the poncho of capitalism and supply the shortage of ears in the American markets. This spurt in the investment in REM units, was further fuelled by the wrong interpretation of a John F.Kennedy speech. The combination of Kennedy's speech ("America has lost too many valuable [y]Ears. We will now put a man on the moon") and a malevolent maelstrom over the Pacific ocean that erased the man on the moon line, for listeners in East Africa, led to this mad rush to set up REMs.In course of time, the REM top honchos realized that there was only a very niche and terribly segmented:) market for Replacable Ears. But by then 92% of the adult population [ age 7 and above ] of Tanzania were employed by REMs. It was too late to turn back. So the REM consortium borrowed huge sums of money from the Worldbank and deposited all the money in Swiss accounts. Immediately after this event, the top honchos handed over the reins to their subordinates and left the country to settle in Monaco. The new top honchos did the same thing and over the years most of the population left Tanzania to lead rich and langurous lives in Monaco.Today, there are only 18 people left in Tanzania, and they have been left holding the bag. Their only hope is to sell off their entire stock of Replacable Ears to McDonalds and leave for Monaco immediately.
As an aside, the band REM does not stand for Rapid-Eye-Movement.But this was not what i had originally wanted to write. I have a Time Travel story about the intrepid C.W.Briggs which comes next.
But let me not derail the train of my thoughts at such a downmarket station.
Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric [ which i think is dark stonewashed terrywool. Many things are explained if the fabric of the universe is assumed to be dark stonewashed terrywool. For example : Space, Shrinkage, Obesity and Freckles. Even Blackheads. ]..
Again. Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric inane phenomena such as: Repetition. [ which in turn, with large enough gaps and opportunity to forget, doubles up as Deja vu]But I have heard from not very reliable sources that the Universe is expanding continuously like the elastic on old underwear and that like all such elastic it will, one day, snap.
This has often led our brightest scientists to ask: Can we, in the heart of Tokyo, bring sound output which matches the last snap of the universe, to fit into 3 nanometer sony speakers? This question only makes our Universe stranger. If you think about it, all over the world, at this very minute, people are asking questions like this.
The Little Monster Sony speakers are good news for the Replacable Ear Manufacturers in Tanzania, though. Tanzania, i'll have you know, runs its entire economy on profits from Replacable Ear Manufacturers. The industry, ofcourse traces its beginning to the screening of the Clint Eastwood movie, 'Django' in Central Dodoma in the year 1968. After watching the famous ear ripping scene in the movie, a whole bunch of National Socialists decided to wear the poncho of capitalism and supply the shortage of ears in the American markets. This spurt in the investment in REM units, was further fuelled by the wrong interpretation of a John F.Kennedy speech. The combination of Kennedy's speech ("America has lost too many valuable [y]Ears. We will now put a man on the moon") and a malevolent maelstrom over the Pacific ocean that erased the man on the moon line, for listeners in East Africa, led to this mad rush to set up REMs.In course of time, the REM top honchos realized that there was only a very niche and terribly segmented:) market for Replacable Ears. But by then 92% of the adult population [ age 7 and above ] of Tanzania were employed by REMs. It was too late to turn back. So the REM consortium borrowed huge sums of money from the Worldbank and deposited all the money in Swiss accounts. Immediately after this event, the top honchos handed over the reins to their subordinates and left the country to settle in Monaco. The new top honchos did the same thing and over the years most of the population left Tanzania to lead rich and langurous lives in Monaco.Today, there are only 18 people left in Tanzania, and they have been left holding the bag. Their only hope is to sell off their entire stock of Replacable Ears to McDonalds and leave for Monaco immediately.
As an aside, the band REM does not stand for Rapid-Eye-Movement.But this was not what i had originally wanted to write. I have a Time Travel story about the intrepid C.W.Briggs which comes next.
Flash-back
This is from about two years back and a lazy afternoon. Its no good unless you are turned on by cheap sensationalism.
EDIT: Removed, for good sense has prevailed
EDIT: Removed, for good sense has prevailed
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
Game Over.
This blog is shutdown. It has served its purpose of helping me pass time 10 mts a day during my yearly shutdown..
Bye all.
Bye all.
Friday, August 20, 2004
Old chinese saying : It be a next-day delivery in a nanosecond world.
as some heart gladenning Zen-master, quoted.
But herein lies a teensie weensie flaw.:)
Let us analyze.Listen to me very carefully, I will say this only onze.
One Nanosecond = 1/billionth of a second, .ie. 0.000000001 seconds.In the normal world which runs on seconds, and not nanoseconds, it takes 9 months Average Processing Time[APT] for a baby to be manufactured.So delivery in the normal world = 9 months or 24105600 secondsSo it follows logically, that in a world which replaces seconds with nanoseconds, delivery would happen in exactly 0.0241056 seconds. Which is lesser than One Second.
So the question of a next-day delivery does not arise. Delivery will happen in 24105600 nanoseconds or 0.0241056 seconds.
The Chinese were pretty charismatic and quirky with their proverbs, but some way off when it came to accuracy. The Japanese on the other hand are quite sexy with their lithe bodies and that wonderful public custom called hurry-curry or the like.
The next-day in the nanosecond world will be the far future. A hundred years in the nanosecond world totals to a measly 3.16 seconds. The next day, i.e. 24 hours will mean 2734177.25 years.
By then we will be in the Post PolyEthic Age, and table etiquette will be the gravest problem facing mankind.
Now you can kill me:)
as some heart gladenning Zen-master, quoted.
But herein lies a teensie weensie flaw.:)
Let us analyze.Listen to me very carefully, I will say this only onze.
One Nanosecond = 1/billionth of a second, .ie. 0.000000001 seconds.In the normal world which runs on seconds, and not nanoseconds, it takes 9 months Average Processing Time[APT] for a baby to be manufactured.So delivery in the normal world = 9 months or 24105600 secondsSo it follows logically, that in a world which replaces seconds with nanoseconds, delivery would happen in exactly 0.0241056 seconds. Which is lesser than One Second.
So the question of a next-day delivery does not arise. Delivery will happen in 24105600 nanoseconds or 0.0241056 seconds.
The Chinese were pretty charismatic and quirky with their proverbs, but some way off when it came to accuracy. The Japanese on the other hand are quite sexy with their lithe bodies and that wonderful public custom called hurry-curry or the like.
The next-day in the nanosecond world will be the far future. A hundred years in the nanosecond world totals to a measly 3.16 seconds. The next day, i.e. 24 hours will mean 2734177.25 years.
By then we will be in the Post PolyEthic Age, and table etiquette will be the gravest problem facing mankind.
Now you can kill me:)
Hello all of you. Megalomaniacally, i will fantasise that there are millions of people, with faces awash in the dim light from their PC monitors, hanging on to every word I type. Imagine the trouble they would have hanging on if i only keyed in blanks...But such hanging millions do not exist, so we aren't running the risk of splattering a Benetton-Ad mix of heads and bodies, as they get tired of hanging on. Alas and Alack!
I have nothing more to say right now. Except that I am bored and will now proceed to have an affair with Audrey Hepburn as I watch my nails grow at an unknown speed.
I have nothing more to say right now. Except that I am bored and will now proceed to have an affair with Audrey Hepburn as I watch my nails grow at an unknown speed.
I once knew this girl who made sex an art. The only problem was that she couldn't count to twenty without pulling off her shoes. She had this perfect flawless body with supple and springy skin, and she made me do incredible things in bed. I gave her a book on Kant once but she ate it up and not metaphorically either.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
No start, this.
And hence, (i.e. in keeping with how this blog is titled), i shall just Be for sometime. A post might come up in time to disallow Blogger.com from kicking me out.
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