Preview - Naksha

OBJECTS in the PREVIEW MIRROR*

PRESENTS, today’s release Naksha – Unlock the mystery? OR Funhouse Mirror Tales


Jackie Shroff is a very irritated man. He can never get a good shave or a haircut since every mirror he finds is imperfect. Some mirrors flatter his person while others bloat his face up or distort his body. He is tired for he can’t answer the question ‘What do I look like? Am I fat? ’ This is killing him, as answering this question, is an essential step towards answering other philosophical questions like ‘Who am I?’ (No, not the Jackie Chan movie, the philosophical question)
He decides to stop looking at mirrors and hence doesn’t get a shave or a haircut for 17 months.

He is an archeologist, but can’t spell to save his life. His card, hence, reads,
JS – Archieologist. Combined with his unkempt appearance, passing his card around causes people to guffaw, usually with derisive rejoinders, usually Archie comic rejoinders.

JS, a suffering neurotic, with a very dangerous case of split ends, is at wits end. His obsession with finding out the answer to the question reaches a crescendo when someone mentions Archie comics at his nephew’s school and he cracks. Once cracked, he decides to find the legendary mirror that was once owned by Snow White’s aunt. This mythical mirror is supposed to be perfect and comes with a bonus CD which makes the mirror speak ( It is not known if the Mirror is a great conversationalist though ). JS has heard of a map which, well, maps out the route to take to get to the Mirror.

What he doesn’t know is that there is a map which maps out the route to take to get to the map itself. This map is with a traffic cop called Inspector Allosius. Inspector Allosius is a shy, part malayalee, officer of the law who has recently been demoted from a crime branch cop to a traffic cop. This happens because he solves some high profile cases and when the heat is on the powerful criminals, they go at him hammer and tongs and get him demoted. As a traffic cop Allosius is having a terrible time as he is shy and hence can’t give anyone directions on time. He is, though, very respected in little Danbolim as he is the only one who has read anything connected to philosophy. No one knows that he has only read Sophie’s World and actually thinks “Locke, Kant, Marx and Hegel” are words in the English language. This is demonstrated when he says “Please, you Kant Hegel (can’t haggle). That Marx (mark) shows that you crossed on to the wrong lane. Any more and I’ll have you under Locke (lock) and key!”

Sunny Deol and Viveik Oberoi are brothers, but step brothers. They have different fathers, hence different surnames. Sameera Reddy also has a different surname but is not related to the deol-oberoi brothers. They play college kids who are lost. This is because they have a car. And a map.
Two men, a girl, a map and a car.
I rest my case. They are lost.

And they are all pretty riled up, blaming each other for being lost, while not singing barely melodious songs to atrocious dancing by one of the deol-oberoi brothers.

As JS passes them they are shouting at each other “Go look at yourself in the Mirror. Can’t even read the map that we have!!!” JS, having Locke-d himself away from society for so long , does not understand the sarcasm in the statement and decides that he must steal the map from them.

What ensues is a whole load of action packed car chases and confrontations between Deol and JS, memorable among which is this exchange:

JS – I’m an Archieologist! Gimme the map.
Deol – So what if you are an Archieologist, I watched Mahabharat and Ramayan on Television.

After taking a couple of wrong turns everyone involved ends up at little Danbolim town. They stop at the junction to ask for directions and meet Allosius.

Deol - Hallo.
Allosius – Not Allo, my name is Allosius, sir.
Deol – Can you give us directions to Bangalore?
Allosius – (mumbles incoherently)
Deol – (screams) Can you give us a good map?
Allosius – (hesitantly) All I have is a map to a map
JS – Well that is it!! Give it to me!

JS follows directions and finds the Mirror. The Mirror is really old and looks like it has hitchhiked across the world. The bonus CD is all scratched up, but when JS looks into the mirror it answers that famous question about life, the universe and everything and says, in a loud, booming voice : 42

JS, appalled at his own girth, waists no time and rushes to VCLC to lose weight. They cut his hair off and immediately charge him for 5 kilos of weight loss.
Sunny Deol goes on to manufacture a sunny smelling Deo called Sunny Deo. Viviek gets busy marrying Sameera Reddy, but receives too many phone calls and gives up.

Ps: Allosius gets reinstated as a Crime Branch cop when he, unwittingly, directs some infamous criminals to the Police Station.


* Objects in the Preview Mirror may appear sillier than they are.