This is a time travel tale and thus it is hard to relate and even harder to read.
For example, I am using present tense in the year 2023 AD, right now. It is difficult to believe, but like flying returns, in the future, Grammar will become a terrible thing. And the families of Mr.Wren and Mr.Martin will become Rockerfellers of their day. Tenses like -present past future perfect- and -fully elongated past participle- will make grammar, nay, Grammar, so complicated that the Wrens and Martins will patch up their differences and do a square rattle jig naked. [ In the future, grammar will always be referred to as Grammar, because of cash. For example: Bill Gates, Microsoft, Porn, Eminem etc etc]
Once, in the near future, there was[will be] born, C.W.Briggs. C.W.Briggs was[will be] an uncanny little child. 14 years from when he was born[will be born], he turned out[will turn out] to be an adolescent jew with neo nazi leanings.In the same year, there was [will be] invented in his near neighborhood, a Time Machine. The inventor was[will have been] waiting for the right time to show the world his invention. The inventors name , ofcourse, was[will be] covered up by the machinations of RAW and Mossad.
C.W.Briggs was[will be] a wimpy child who was[will be] forced by the bullies in the locality where he lived[he will live] to be a permanent water boy, irrespective of what game they were[will be] playing. On one such occasion the ball was hit[will be], right into the warehouse that housed the secret Time Machine. C.W.Briggs, who had been sent[will be sent] to retrieve the ball, walked[will walk] right in and banged[will bang] the buttons which operated[will operate] the thing, thinking that it was[is] an Otis elevator.Floosh![Fliwssh!$!] To the past he sped[will speed]....
Due to a time warp within the Time Machine caused[will had caused] by the polywool sweater C.W usually wore[will have had been usually wearing] and the Big Mac burger in his stomach, there developed[will had developing] a complication. C.W.Briggs didn't know[will not have knowed it ever] it but for a period of 13 minutes he would[wrxygx'nt would woody] possess[posse of black men] the ability to say anything and make it happen.
The Time Machine stopped[will had sashayed] and ushered[will had usher's union] him out with a belevolent and good natured blab. It was[will had been] the year 1933 and in the Anteroom of the the Munich's People's Court emerged[will have had emergency] our reticent water boy. He turned[will had turncoat] and saw[seed] a large balcony,[commae] below which a crowd of 7,000 Germans wearing unfashionable clothes waved[will had waffled] Swastika symbols. Blocking[blackenning] the way, but not too much, was a short man,[commie] facing the crowd. The man turned[will hadn't worn his (turn) coat] abruptly and the toothbrush moustache bristled[colgate pamolive], as he faced[fascination, gay style] C.W.Briggs.
C.W.Briggs stared[will had stared]. C.W.Briggs stammered[will had stammerie]. And then C.W.Briggs said [will had sayed qureshi] "Hail Hitler".And Hitler rained [will had rained] from the sky in small itsy bitsy pieces, thus destroying[will had been destroyed] any traces of the Nazi Reich or the Holocaust.
We salute C.W.Briggs, the unlikely hero.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
More Flashback: World History Page 3489.
The Universe is a strange place. If we were to believe what scientists told us, we would er..well... be science enthusiasts.
But let me not derail the train of my thoughts at such a downmarket station.
Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric [ which i think is dark stonewashed terrywool. Many things are explained if the fabric of the universe is assumed to be dark stonewashed terrywool. For example : Space, Shrinkage, Obesity and Freckles. Even Blackheads. ]..
Again. Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric inane phenomena such as: Repetition. [ which in turn, with large enough gaps and opportunity to forget, doubles up as Deja vu]But I have heard from not very reliable sources that the Universe is expanding continuously like the elastic on old underwear and that like all such elastic it will, one day, snap.
This has often led our brightest scientists to ask: Can we, in the heart of Tokyo, bring sound output which matches the last snap of the universe, to fit into 3 nanometer sony speakers? This question only makes our Universe stranger. If you think about it, all over the world, at this very minute, people are asking questions like this.
The Little Monster Sony speakers are good news for the Replacable Ear Manufacturers in Tanzania, though. Tanzania, i'll have you know, runs its entire economy on profits from Replacable Ear Manufacturers. The industry, ofcourse traces its beginning to the screening of the Clint Eastwood movie, 'Django' in Central Dodoma in the year 1968. After watching the famous ear ripping scene in the movie, a whole bunch of National Socialists decided to wear the poncho of capitalism and supply the shortage of ears in the American markets. This spurt in the investment in REM units, was further fuelled by the wrong interpretation of a John F.Kennedy speech. The combination of Kennedy's speech ("America has lost too many valuable [y]Ears. We will now put a man on the moon") and a malevolent maelstrom over the Pacific ocean that erased the man on the moon line, for listeners in East Africa, led to this mad rush to set up REMs.In course of time, the REM top honchos realized that there was only a very niche and terribly segmented:) market for Replacable Ears. But by then 92% of the adult population [ age 7 and above ] of Tanzania were employed by REMs. It was too late to turn back. So the REM consortium borrowed huge sums of money from the Worldbank and deposited all the money in Swiss accounts. Immediately after this event, the top honchos handed over the reins to their subordinates and left the country to settle in Monaco. The new top honchos did the same thing and over the years most of the population left Tanzania to lead rich and langurous lives in Monaco.Today, there are only 18 people left in Tanzania, and they have been left holding the bag. Their only hope is to sell off their entire stock of Replacable Ears to McDonalds and leave for Monaco immediately.
As an aside, the band REM does not stand for Rapid-Eye-Movement.But this was not what i had originally wanted to write. I have a Time Travel story about the intrepid C.W.Briggs which comes next.
But let me not derail the train of my thoughts at such a downmarket station.
Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric [ which i think is dark stonewashed terrywool. Many things are explained if the fabric of the universe is assumed to be dark stonewashed terrywool. For example : Space, Shrinkage, Obesity and Freckles. Even Blackheads. ]..
Again. Yes. The Universe is a strange place. It incorporates within its fabric inane phenomena such as: Repetition. [ which in turn, with large enough gaps and opportunity to forget, doubles up as Deja vu]But I have heard from not very reliable sources that the Universe is expanding continuously like the elastic on old underwear and that like all such elastic it will, one day, snap.
This has often led our brightest scientists to ask: Can we, in the heart of Tokyo, bring sound output which matches the last snap of the universe, to fit into 3 nanometer sony speakers? This question only makes our Universe stranger. If you think about it, all over the world, at this very minute, people are asking questions like this.
The Little Monster Sony speakers are good news for the Replacable Ear Manufacturers in Tanzania, though. Tanzania, i'll have you know, runs its entire economy on profits from Replacable Ear Manufacturers. The industry, ofcourse traces its beginning to the screening of the Clint Eastwood movie, 'Django' in Central Dodoma in the year 1968. After watching the famous ear ripping scene in the movie, a whole bunch of National Socialists decided to wear the poncho of capitalism and supply the shortage of ears in the American markets. This spurt in the investment in REM units, was further fuelled by the wrong interpretation of a John F.Kennedy speech. The combination of Kennedy's speech ("America has lost too many valuable [y]Ears. We will now put a man on the moon") and a malevolent maelstrom over the Pacific ocean that erased the man on the moon line, for listeners in East Africa, led to this mad rush to set up REMs.In course of time, the REM top honchos realized that there was only a very niche and terribly segmented:) market for Replacable Ears. But by then 92% of the adult population [ age 7 and above ] of Tanzania were employed by REMs. It was too late to turn back. So the REM consortium borrowed huge sums of money from the Worldbank and deposited all the money in Swiss accounts. Immediately after this event, the top honchos handed over the reins to their subordinates and left the country to settle in Monaco. The new top honchos did the same thing and over the years most of the population left Tanzania to lead rich and langurous lives in Monaco.Today, there are only 18 people left in Tanzania, and they have been left holding the bag. Their only hope is to sell off their entire stock of Replacable Ears to McDonalds and leave for Monaco immediately.
As an aside, the band REM does not stand for Rapid-Eye-Movement.But this was not what i had originally wanted to write. I have a Time Travel story about the intrepid C.W.Briggs which comes next.
Flash-back
This is from about two years back and a lazy afternoon. Its no good unless you are turned on by cheap sensationalism.
EDIT: Removed, for good sense has prevailed
EDIT: Removed, for good sense has prevailed
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