Objects in the Preview Mirror - KANK

This is a sneak preview into the world of Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna that releases today.

KANK, for Director Karan Johar, is a major departure from his earlier films.

The film starts not with not One but Two marriages happening.

Shah Rukh plays Raj Malhotra, because he is Shah Rukh.
Rani plays Anjali, in the absence of Kajol.
Abhishek also plays Raj Malhotra, because, well, who doesn’t want to be Shah Rukh? [Except 743 nuns, 23 Buddhists and 3 elephants]
Priety Zinta plays Zuleika, because of her Persian lineage.

Priety playing Zuleika is Karan Johars' metaphysical twist, showing how much he has matured as a savings bond...er..as a director, incorporating characters with foreign lineage thus keeping pace with globalization.

So two marriages.
As all people involved are traditional people in abbreviated clothes, the women, as is custom, take their husband's name post marriage.

Due to this tradition, Shah Rukh becomes Anjali, Abhishek becomes Zuleika and Rani and Priety become Raj Malhotra.

As is expected, this causes a lot of confusion and when Shah Rukh wants to kiss Anjali, he is appalled that he has to kiss himself. Another brilliant scene is when, his wife, Raj Malhotra wants to watch Mani Ratnam’s Anjali and Shah Rukh (Anjali) walks out midway because he is traumatized.
These scenes are filmed beautifully and make it worth Shah Rukh's facial acrobatics.

Abhishek, who plays Zuleika, has his own moment, when he is expected to shave since he has a woman's name. He has trouble with his visiting cards and loses 23 clients because he passes them the wrong cards. Abhishek also has to fend of 12 Iraqis who fall in love with his name.

Rani and Preity do not face too many problems, as they are househusbands. Except on Karva Chauth, when they can’t decide whether they need to keep fast. They also spend a few thousand rupees at the hair stylists’ getting short crops befitting men (in spite of Mahendra Dhoni).

Both couples finally decide that the best way out of the confusion would be to relocate to a foreign country where they don’t understand Indian names.

They apply for Visas at the British consulate. Raj Malhotra, though, gets late for the visa appointment. Both Raj Malhotras. This is because they can’t resist going to the Annual Sweater Fair in Chennai. This causes Anjali and Zuleika to be very upset and marital discord sets in, mainly as they are upset that Raj Malhotra didn’t pick up sweaters for them.
Which is why the promos read, ‘A Fair that broke all relationships’. (What’s that? You are saying it reads ‘An Affair that broke all relationships”. No no.. You are mistaken. I suggest you watch the promos again)


This is when they meet Amitabh Bachchan, who plays Amitabh Bud-chan, a flamboyant half Chinese man who lives on Budweiser beer. He is the Head of Operations at the British consulate, who gets close to being fired for being flamboyant and making too many stiff British upper lips flinch, by sporting a ‘French’ beard. He is saved when he explains that there is no ‘British’ beard as such, else he would sport it. All in all he is a good sport and saves the two couples from watching ‘Tu Hoti toh kya Hota’, a mind numbing comedy based on the Mile High Club by Mr. Shah.

Post this good deed he quotes from Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2) to the couples in a God like voice -
‘What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet. ‘

This resolves all differences between the couples and they decide to go back home.

The Shakespeare quote inspires an Udipi hotel owner, who is standing nearby, to make a movie based on Othello. He calls it Om-Kara Bath.
Also the quote creates a flutter in flower markets around the world and at the Amsterdam Flower market, Roses are sold as Sunflowers, Mrs. Barney, Ronaldinho and McDowell’s Number One.

The movie ends with a solemn hurrah to Shakespeare in the form of Britney Spears performing a dance number…hence Shake Spears.


* Objects in the Preview Mirror may appear sillier than they are. Send in your objections to OPM.bias@gmail.com